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  • Writer's pictureEmma Zilko

The addictive nature of the story

Updated: 7 days ago

Once upon a time I thought that if I think something bad it won’t happen because things never happen the way I imagine them to. Fast forward and I recognise that although that was true in physicality, what I was actually doing was bringing to me other experiences that resonated with the feelings associated with what I was imagining.

What was happening wasn’t the worst of the worst but more like little fires I had to continually put out around me it was dramas in my relationships, at work and within myself that ultimately kept me stuck. The funny thing is I was addicted to the drama of the stories I was telling myself and I found that it translated into self-soothing by way of this constant dialogue I would have with myself and the imagined other about what I wanted to say, what I should have said and what I wished they had given me.

These imagined conversations were like bullet trains that would pick up speed and before I knew it, I had gotten caught up in the emotions of something that hadn’t happened, and it would be on repeat until I was exhausted from the cycle I had started.

Yet I got a rush from the emotional hit I received every time I’d participate in that sort of drama narrative, where I was both the victim and my own savour. It was hard to stop and I had no idea the impact it had on the way I felt about other people, how I viewed a situation and how it was creating more of the same circumstances in other forms.

It was only when I started to view meditation as coming back to self and using it as a tool to connect back in with my body, that I realised I was using this form of thought as a way of distracting myself from what I was really feeling, which was unheard, unloved, and frustrated.


Now I catch myself before the bullet train picks up speed. I can recognise the feeling of the lower frequency energy that starts to swirl as I unconsciously begin to play the narrative out in my head and because of this I am able to choose to redirect that energy elsewhere.


It’s not always easy and sometimes it takes asking for a trusted friends view to stop the train from taking off. But because I’ve done the work to explore myself and asked myself why, it doesn’t have the same impact it once had, and life feels easier.


Why am I sharing this? Because a lot of us get stuck in our heads about things that have or haven’t happened. It stops us from being able to deal with the root cause of our feelings and begin to resolve them so that we can initiate change around the things we can control. It’s not about changing the past but about making choices that give us our power back to choose differently next time.

Because you have the ability to change the influence you have on you.

Emma xx

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